Unemployed in to madness #444days

There is this evolving Twitter thread where I write about my long-term unemployment

Thread Start #444days

Just in case Twitter destroys it. I back up some of my Tweets here.

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Unemployed Into Madness An attempt to work through my #unemployment in #poetry form in a slow evolving thread. #amwriting #444days

  1. at first there is the peace of liberty of both wealth and time a wealth of both worlds that opens opportunity as well as character
  2. there is no dread of existence or dread of mistake there is no fear of friends or family there is a desire to use time to value it
  3. at first it feels deserved like a holiday a time-out of this rat-race only slowly after declination and declination to your applications
  4. you begin to feel again dread and fear of existence of standing still for too long of being forgotten and becoming a burden
  5. you respond with a new effort a new design a new attempt a course a lecture maybe an investment yet a return on your improvement as a worker
  6. has yet to come so you begin to pass the time save where you can spend where you must yet the feeling of failure sets in
  7. with each declination a litte bitterer with each month less sure of yourself each day success eludes pleasure and pride are long in the past
  8. then when the world stands still for you and for the rest of humanity it keeps turning you begin to realize that your complaints are quaint
  9. while nations tumble freedoms get curtailed and children go hungry all I can do is despair for I am stuck in a prison of unemployment
  10. so now I am screaming at the world may I be called crazy may we all be called crazy just because we want a better world unchained
  11. ts a distraction, money its a distraction of what is happening it is the carrot on a stick that you never truly reach what is happening?
  12. really what is happening? have we lost our way? forgotten our humanity? out of fear? that there is not enough for all of us?
  13. you stand abandoned and forgotten you stand alone friends and family though caring and close their wisdom of a chance in future I disbelief
  14. it is the wound that can not be healed by time it is the pain that can only be cured by change a change in pace, in routine and in status
  15. next to my personal ruins lies a burning world torn apart by fear and hate I wish not to participate yet I have my fear and I have my anger
  16. there was a time where I could turn them in to words shape them in to images ban them on paper and celluloid I wish to return to that state
  17. I wish states would return to their core to protect and support their citizens to cherish life and freedom and progress ahead of profit
  18. as the world turns on the spot between left and right I turn in my bed sleepless I write sleepless I share as peace will come sleep will too
  19. my stance is defense my character is pretense once outside where I do not belong for money makes you part and lack of it breaks you apart
  20. declined again I start to believe it myself so I no longer wonder how could you employ a looser not welcome not wanted not needed
  21. the value of my life implied by employment the loss is debt and my sanity
  22. we cherish our riches more than our humanity we care more about shareholders than people threatened by death despair, hunger and war
  23. how shall I take pride in my existence when I live in a world where salary is worth more than poetry & a holiday snapshot is more than art
  24. avoiding tax is getting you elected president feeding the hungry thrown in jail and helping people who are drowning is a crime then we lost
  25. lost far earlier in life once decided to followed the path laid out to me by society should have stepped away should have found another way
  26. what helps a prisoner more than cries for his wasted life go out enjoy it, live it while you can ..afford it because my prison is capitalism
  27. Do I live in poverty? No! Do I live in danger? No! Do I live a life? No! Having a life living a life the difference is unique and the same for all
  28. slavery by another name be it industrial incarceration be it social pressure to wage-slavery I descend in to madness and decide not to die
  29. when you feel pain for no reason
  30. I become used to not working I fear I am loosing not only my mind but with every day another chance to change my fate to a better fortune
  31. the beggar on the street for him I am a wealthy man the rich banker or star for him I am just a lazy social vermine let us abolish that
  32. when everything is about how much money you earn you spend you cost you owe you are you need when this is everything I wish it to end
  33. I am tired live is no longer something to enjoy actually it has never been it is something to endure for what? for whom? just myself?
  34. people tell me to build my own dreams stay true to yourself and all that who will pay for that? who will accept me for that? and who cares?
  35. “The sadness that never leveve you” #unemployedintomadness #444days #penandtwitter
  36. “And the simple happiness of fluent people Is starting to vex me” #amwriting #444days #penandtwitter #unemployedintoMadness 
  37. then there is the glimmer of hope a phone call an email an invitation now the fear sets in that the reason for my state is actually myself
  38. then there is the glimmer of hope a phone call an email an invitation now the fear sets in that the reason for my state is actually myself
  39. unemployment after a while becomes a self-fulfilling prophecy the longer you were without work the less likely someone will employ you
  40. I have to be grateful for a chance at the same time manage my thoughts of inadequacy while still pretending to be a worthy human too much?
  41. 2015, that was the year where I was last employed then there are the people who say for that long? how come? how should I know the truth?
  42. replies you get yet declinations usually don’t contain explanations beyond the point that they found someone more fitting for the role
  43. so it has become a constant in my life that for work and friendship and love there is always someone more fitting for that role than me
  44. I am not a social person yet I know loneliness by degrees wish not to be alone until the end of life wish not to share just out of need
  45. complacent? no but everything that would improve my chances on a so called job-market costs money French lessons, money, SAP course, money
  46. poverty is defined by your inability to improve your situation by anything else than selling yourself short
  47. what I learned and did now a program does what I learned not to do to dream and question is what doesn’t sell
  48. they fill your head with dreams of more in life of achievements of greatness and then you get beaten into being happy for having a life
  49. “I remember a time of plans”  20170609_230140444days 9.7.17_0(1).jpg
  50. alte Wörter, mit alter Weisheit mit Blut befleckte Schriftzeichen welche die Wörter für die sie stehen verhöhnen    20170607_230712444days arbeit macht_0(1)
  51. I do not wish to be famous or rich my desire is to be an artist but instead of chasing ideas and thoughts I keep running for a paycheck
  52. I was once looking for freedom in this world wouldn’t want to hear of the prison it shapes now, in stripes and chains I see the bars
  53. It is late at night alone When you realize that your life Has become pretend Pretend to want it Pretend to enjoy it Pretend to have a future
  54. In the early hours When the sounds of silence Are deafening enough For you to shield your ears What you don’t hear and yet feel Is dispare
  55. what happens is that you become a criminal by default, because you are unemployed because you are on social welfare, the assumption is that.
  56. they give you barely enough to survive and are expecting you to improve I feel caged, forgotten and set aside prove your worth, every day

  57. my crime is poverty my crime isn’t laziness it is pride pride in my achievements and proud enough to decline wage-slavery
  58. gnorance is bliss that is why the last two weeks I had laughed and crafted and created, but now the realization of my madness crushes me
  59. two years… it has been two years since I last held a job, I can’t even breathe this number at the moment, oh dear god I would like to work
  60. to be broke breaks you to be broken ills you it is the dept of the world on the smallest shoulders that carry nothing but dread
  61. those who have the littlest in this world owe the greatest explanation those ekeing out a living how come this world doesn’t work for you?
  62. two years and then you are no longer valid two year and then you are trapped all it needs is two years and you lost your life no chance
  63. then you call, you overcome your anger your fear you realize that you, no longer count for two years ago last you worked
  64. what I never learned is to sell myself to make myself seem more valuable than I am what I never learned is to actually appreciate my value
  65. “by loosing all hope I have lost all will” unemployedintomadness 24.9.1624.9.16_IMG_20170627_140542
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